Abbot & Costello:Computers

External Since: Jul 01, 2003 Posts: 168

> [Making the rounds, apparently. Available from
<font color=purple> > <a style='text-decoration: underline;' href="http://www.computeruser.com/articles/2205,3,7,1,0501,03.html</font" target="_blank">http://www.computeruser.com/articles/2205,3,7,1,0501,03.html</font</a>>
> among other places.]
>
> ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and
I'm
> thinking of buying a computer.
>
> ABBOTT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.
>
> ABBOTT: Your computer?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
>
> ABBOTT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.
>
> ABBOTT: What about Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
>
> ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the
windows?
>
> ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
>
> COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
>
> ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to
write
> proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
>
> ABBOTT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
>
> ABBOTT: I just did.
> COSTELLO: You just did what?
>
> ABBOTT: Recommended something.
>
> COSTELLO: You recommended something?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: For my office?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
>
> ABBOTT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
>
> ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows!
Let's
> say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I
> need?
>
> ABBOTT: Word.
>
> COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of
> words. But what program do I load?
>
> ABBOTT: Word.
>
> COSTELLO: What word?
>
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
>
> COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
>
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"
>
> ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
>
> COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a
> straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need
if
> I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
>
> ABBOTT: RealOne.
>
> COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is
none
> of your business. But what do I need to watch it?
>
> ABBOTT: RealOne.
>
> COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want towatch reels two,
> three and four. Can I watch reel four?
>
> ABBOTT: Of course.
>
> COSTELLO: Great! With what?
>
> ABBOTT: RealOne.
>
> COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch
a
> movie. What do I do?
>
> ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
>
> COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
>
> ABBOTT: The blue 1.
>
> COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
>
> ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is
Word.
>
> COSTELLO: What word?
>
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
>
> ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the
world.
>
> COSTELLO: It is?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words
left.
> It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
>
> COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
>
> ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't
> even part of Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again.
> But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do
you
> have to help me track of my money?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
>
> ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
>
> COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
>
> COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra
> charge? How much money do I get?
>
> ABBOTT: Just one copy.
>
> COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
>
> ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of
> Money.
>
> COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
>
> ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
>
> COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but
> I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your
money?
>
> ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
>
> COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: You sell money?
>
> ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it
> for free.
>
> COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a
business.
> Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
>
> ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
>
> COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
>
> ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try
M.Y.O.B.
>
> COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
>
> ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
>
> COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
>
> ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
>
> COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home
> business. You know--accounting? You do it with money.
>
> ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may
need
> more.
>
> COSTELLO: More money?
>
> ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
>
> COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money
for
> the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's
> the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to
> restore my data?
>
> ABBOTT: GoBack.
>
> COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need
> something to restore my data. What do you recommend?
>
> ABBOTT: GoBack.
>
> COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
>
> ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was
> GoBack.
>
> COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere?
Okay,
> I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?
>
> ABBOTT: Word.
>
> COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
>
> ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.
>
> ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on
> me? Oh, well.
>
> Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
>

--
Sasha the Dragon
First ABML Quiz Trophy Winner
Member of ABMLNCSC
Disciple to the Co-Goddesses of Sweets

External Since: Aug 03, 2003 Posts: 30

On Thu, 04 Sep 2003 02:12:10 GMT, "Sasha Rowan" <mholman2 RemoveThis @cfl.rr.com>
wrote:

>
>
>
>--
>Sasha the Dragon
>First ABML Quiz Trophy Winner
>Member of ABMLNCSC
>Disciple to the Co-Goddesses of Sweets
>
>
OK...I gotta say it...you're gonna get it now...

POINT!

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