Tom Holt's Agent

Omega wrote:
 >
 > In article <47a8af51.0309101348.4984103f.RemoveThis@posting.google.com>, Ringo
 > <dalemettam.RemoveThis@hotmail.com> writes
  > >
  > >Rumors abound. Some say I'm a spy.
 >
 > Don't think we got one of them

There's always "innocuous Dave", and this moose believes that it
isn't actually _possible_ to retire from the Milk Marketing Board.

  > >Other's think I'm some kind of
  > >criminal mastermind.
 >
 > Got one of them
 >
  > >Another rumor starts that I'm some kind of mad
  > >scientists conducting terrible experients in my basement.
 >
 > Anyone seen Toby lately?

No, nor Igor, come to think of it.

  > >Things
  > >settle down and my strangeness is accepted by the village,
 >
 > Hard to spot around here.

Particularly with two dragons and a ford full of pirhana.

  > >until that
  > >one night, during a storm, the sounds of swords clashing seem to
  > >puncture the rumbles of thunder.
 >
 > Knigget season!

Or that "slight misfire" with the case of 75mm maroons (I did say
that electric firing in a torrential downpour was a bad idea, but
nobody listened, did they)?

  > >Old Lady Porter swears the next day
  > >that the storm itself was focused on the old Maison place itself,
 >
 > Probably blame it on the dragons.
 >
  > >and
  > >little Jenny Reilly claims to have seen a large malodorous beast
  > >crossing the ford just before the storm broke.
 >
 > That'll be the behemoth from the woodshed out for a stroll.
 >
  > >Then the following
  > >evening, I'd arrive down at the local, limping and showing several
  > >cuts and bruises.
 >
 > Not infrequent occurrence...
  > >
  > >But if that one's taken, just let me know.
  > >
  > >Cheers
  > >
  > >Dale
  > >
  > >PS. And for preference, I'd like Scruttocks Old Deridgable. But if you
  > >don't have that in, the local brew will be just fine.
  > >
 > You'd be amazed what comes out of those cellars...

And astonished at what goes into them on occasion, too. (Well, either
that
or 'very worried indeed', I suppose.)

Cadbury (Who suspect that Netscape will make a complete pigs-breakfast
of this post).
--
We [tinw] could use the Jamie as a unit of Stupidity applied over time,
but
in practical use smaller units like micro and milliJamie-seconds would
be
handier. A full Jamie/hr is a very large unit of Wank. -- Android Cat<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

In <3Uj+blDb$5X$EA6B@menageri.tele2.co.uk> Omega wrote:

>In article <47a8af51.0309101348.4984103f.TakeThisOut@posting.google.com>, Ringo
><dalemettam.TakeThisOut@hotmail.com> writes
>>
>>Rumors abound. Some say I'm a spy.
>Don't think we got one of them

We have. I *could* tell you who it is -- but then I'd have to kill you.

>>Things settle down and my strangeness is accepted by the village,
>Hard to spot around here.

I think she may be trying to say that the suppliers I get the cornflakes
from are *seriously* weird....

>>PS. And for preference, I'd like Scruttocks Old Deridgable. But if you
>>don't have that in, the local brew will be just fine.
>You'd be amazed what comes out of those cellars...

Which are *not tunnels*. Not even slightly. Cellars.

Possibly very long thin cellars, in places, but absolutely Not Tunnels, ok?

Beetle

Cartographer, Bombardier, Weather Witch and Village Storekeeper
Selling atonal apples, and amplified heat, and Pressed Rat's
collection of dog-legs and feet. Coffee mornings a speciality.
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

On Wed, 10 Sep 2003 19:31:19 +0000 (UTC), anon2765.RemoveThis@firedrake.org
wrote:

>In <Xns93F2CBDED93wdebREMOVEathetREMOV.RemoveThis@194.109.133.29> Belsambar the
>Village Villain wrote:
>
>>"Paul Bines" <paulsnobinesspam.RemoveThis@4waitroseme.thankcomyou> wrote in
>>news:waycnVGRvprH_8KiXTWJhw@brightview.com:
>>> I like this one - let's keep him...
>>Hmm, Dunno. He seems very good in quitting and getting fired, so what job
>>or title should we give him?
>
>Hey, the rest of us got to choose. Well, except the Village Guinea Pig and
>Approved Music List Keeper, I think Matthew got landed with those. Which
>was entirely his own fault for arguing about Steve Earle. With me. I
>mean, silly boy...
>
Well I still think it's your fault that I'm making umbrellas.
(although ISTR Mister Bines is responsible for them being Apprentice
Umbrellas.)

I'm quite enjoying the job now, though.
(thinks: wonder what the advertising rate will be in the Village
Newspaper?)

--
David Brain
(Apprentice Umbrella Maker)
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

In article <47a8af51.0309102001.3d32112e.RemoveThis@posting.google.com>,
Ringo <dalemettam.RemoveThis@hotmail.com> wrote:

 >With a taste for beer, a more than vivid imagination, no desire to let
 >facts get in the way of a good story and since agents seem to have
 >bugger all interest in reading my stuff, I seem perfectly suited for
 >the news media. At least I'd be read!

Sounds workable to me. Particularly if you're willing to run stories
about captive princesses, damsels in distress, and other things
attractive to the common kniggit.

 >And I can assure everyone that any similarity between myself and a
 >certain super powered hero when I take of my glasses is purely
 >coincidental. Doesn't everyone get headaches around glowing green
 >meteor fragments?

<crunch> <munch> <gobble> <devour>

Apparently not. Oh, sorry, I hope you didn't _want_ those.

Firedrake R
(Firedrake of the Village)<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

In article <3F5FA941.38DF DeleteThis @do.not.spam.the.moose>,
Cadbury Moose <cadbury DeleteThis @chocolatemoose.org> wrote:
 >Omega wrote:
  >> In article <47a8af51.0309101348.4984103f DeleteThis @posting.google.com>, Ringo
  >> <dalemettam DeleteThis @hotmail.com> writes
   >> >until that
   >> >one night, during a storm, the sounds of swords clashing seem to
   >> >puncture the rumbles of thunder.
  >> Knigget season!
 >Or that "slight misfire" with the case of 75mm maroons (I did say
 >that electric firing in a torrential downpour was a bad idea, but
 >nobody listened, did they)?

Sigh. What you need is a convenient dragon. Portfire, windbreak and
umbrella all in one...

Firedrake R
(Firedrake of the Village)<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

In article <47a8af51.0309102001.3d32112e RemoveThis @posting.google.com>,
dalemettam RemoveThis @hotmail.com says...
 > OK then, as my first choice seems to have been pulled apart, I'll
 > combine my talents and knowledge for writing and the print industry
 > and take a position at the local newspaper. Seems like there's plenty
 > going on in this less than sleepy hamlet, so an investigative
 > journalist should find plenty to report on.
 >
 > With a taste for beer, a more than vivid imagination, no desire to let
 > facts get in the way of a good story and since agents seem to have
 > bugger all interest in reading my stuff, I seem perfectly suited for
 > the news media. At least I'd be read!
 >
 > And I can assure everyone that any similarity between myself and a
 > certain super powered hero when I take of my glasses is purely
 > coincidental. Doesn't everyone get headaches around glowing green
 > meteor fragments?
 >

Those are exploded gargoyles. They get very unstable in the mating
season.

So - got an edifice yet? Need an edifice for a gargoyle, gotta have a
gargoyle. Honest.

Or you can have one inside: tasteful gargoyle over the printing press?


--
Diem
Guardian of Gargoyles and Woodlice

(email dm at diemzone not news)<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

diem <news.DeleteThis@diemzone.co.vk> wrote in message news:<MPG.19ca7bf836fcbded9896c4.DeleteThis@news.cis.dfn.de>...
 > Those are exploded gargoyles. They get very vnstable in the mating
 > season.
 > So - got an edifice yet? Need an edifice for a gargoyle, gotta have a
 > gargoyle. Honest.
 > Or yov can have one inside: tastefvl gargoyle over the printing press?

Is this like a vnion thing?

Given yovr stated affiliations and all, shovld I read a svbtext...?

"Svre, yov don't NEED to get an official gargoyle, bvt then yov
wovldn't have the cover shovld yov get an infestation of a UNofficial
gragoyles. Last thing anyone wants to see is gargoyle gvano in yovr
ink resevoirs. Or a covple of over amorovs gragoyles dancing the
horizontal mambo in yovr paper stores and going off like the 4th of
Jvly. No, what yov want (and this is pvrely a friendly svggestion,
mind), is a nice official gragoyle. One yov have some control over.
One that can be trained. Perhaps in an attack capacity for added
secvrity. Maybe to take messages when yov're ovt of the office. Bvt
like I said, yov don't NEED one, per se."

Or is it that keen investigative instinct become a little paranoid?
Was it really simply an honest gestvre of welcome?

Or shovld I consider a front page splash?

EDIFICE RACKET EXPOSED!

TRUTH BEHIND THE GASTLY GARGOYLE GOINGS ON!

DIEM FEEDS GRAGOYLES NITRO TO ENSURE EXPLOSIVE MATING SEASON!

RSPCG (ROYAL SOCIETY FOR PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO GARGOYLES) TO
INVESTIGATE DIEM!

Oh yes! I smell my first scoop!

......or is that jvst gargoyle gvano?<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

dalemettam RemoveThis @hotmail.com (Ringo) wrote in
news:47a8af51.0309101348.4984103f@posting.google.com:

>> > Oh, I know. he can be my Sidekick. Every villain needs a sidekick, who
>> > takes the blows when the hero comes barging in through the door.
>
> As was pointed out, I don't do well working for other people, so
> probably villain's sidekick (I believe the technical term is henchman,
> or goon, isn't it?) wouldn't be the best career move for me, and I
> doubt anyone bent of world, or even merely village domination would
> ultimately be that happy with my work.

[and so on]

Hmmm. Apparently I forgot to mention that all my (our?) henchgirls are
dressed in Spandex(tm)? And are selected for their curvesness and ability
to wear spandex(tm) and still look like bombshells?

TTFN,
B.

VV
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

"Ringo" <dalemettam RemoveThis @hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:47a8af51.0309110911.568f747b@posting.google.com...

Erm ...sidles over to Newspaper chappie ....

Can I interest you in an earwig or several?

Top *shudder* quality ...

Melody

--
BB
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

"Melody S-K" <Melody.RemoveThis@wibble.org> wrote in message news:<bjqbco$lvh9u$1@ID-6544.news.uni-berlin.de>...
> Erm ...sidles over to Newspaper chappie ....
> Can I interest you in an earwig or several?
> Top *shudder* quality ...
> Melody

Real men don't need earwigs. Real men have hairy ears of their own!

At least that's what I assure my wife!

But if you can have earwigs, can you also have earcombovers?

And if you can, the next obvious question is why would you?

I sense another exclusive exposé!

Oh this could be the move that gets me finally on the map!

Dale
Village News Hound
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

"Paul Bines" <paulsnobinesspam.TakeThisOut@4waitroseme.thankcomyou> wrote
news:Ur-dnfVNWcObKP2iU-KYvg@brightview.com...
> Melody enquired, shiftily;
> Can I interest you in an earwig or several?
>
> Coo! Took your time, didn't you BB?

Shhhhh ...I was trying the casual approach this time ...

Moi? Shifty? ..

/reproachful voice

Paul!

/rv

Melody

--
BB
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

In <47a8af51.0309110911.568f747b.DeleteThis@posting.google.com> Dale wrote:

>TRUTH BEHIND THE GASTLY GARGOYLE GOINGS ON!

Eeeek!

There Are Some Things Man was Not Meant To Know!

Luckily I am a

Beetle

Cartographer, Bombardier, Weather Witch and Village Storekeeper
Selling atonal apples, and amplified heat, and Pressed Rat's
collection of dog-legs and feet. Coffee mornings a speciality.
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent 

In <bjqbco$lvh9u$1@ID-6544.news.uni-berlin.de> the BB murmured:

>Erm ...sidles over to Newspaper chappie ....
>Can I interest you in an earwig or several?
>Top *shudder* quality ...

Dale, I am your friend.

Trust me on this one.

Just Say No.

Beetle

Cartographer, Bombardier, Weather Witch and Village Storekeeper
Selling atonal apples, and amplified heat, and Pressed Rat's
collection of dog-legs and feet. Coffee mornings a speciality.
 >> Stay informed about: Tom Holt's Agent