I don't like Carey's X-men... why am I alone?

Mike Carey's X-men is wasted on me and I don't understand why I'm
seemingly the only one online who can't seem to muster up enough
sympathy for the title to be so extatic about it. Everywhere I go I see
people doing backflips and foaming at the mouth gurgling that X-men is
the absolute best, stories, characters, dialogue, it's all the best
since forever, and it's the best title one can find these days in the
X-stables.

I'm reading it, and I'm thinking: What the hell have these people been
sniffing?

The story so far hasn't blown me away. We're treated to yet another
ominous race of superbeings who aren't mutants, and who are evil
through and through. The Children of the Vault have no redeeming
qualities that allows you to sympathize with them. They want to wipe
out all mutants and all humans so they can rule the world, because they
believe it's their destiny. The Neo did it for simple revenge, which is
something I can understand.

But that's not all, we get a villainous team of superbeings, and only
two are properly developped, and it really doesn't matter because by
the end of it, one of those two is dead, and the other is put in a
state of might be might not be. The rest of the characters ends up dead
or escapes from the scene, where they remain nothing more but a special
effect on legs with a spanish name attached to it. You can say a
hundred things about the Children, but you can't say that they're
rounded characters or even decent villains. A motive that is less
inspired than something out of the sixties, and characterisation that
puts even the dreadful Neo ten step above them.

There is of course our team of heroes. Rogue has assembled a remarkably
disfunctional gang of misfits, and if you'd ever find yourself on a
team as hers you'd fear for your life when you turn round a dark
corner. Lady Mastermind went from villain to hero in a heartbeat, and
somewhere between panels she developed a relationship with Beast... a
relationship advanced enough that they might share pleasantries in the
hallway and call each other by their first name. I know, she's doing it
because she wants to find out who put her in a hospital... but explain
to me why she would hook up with the X-men, the people who were
responsible for her being in a coma, rotting away in some damp hospital
in the first place. The enemy of my enemy is my friend... that's a bit
simplistic, if I were Rogue or any X-man on her team, I would trust her
about as far as I could throw her.

Mystique is a whole different story, apparantly she's in for the ride
because Rogue wants to keep an eye on her. That's not exactly the
person I would want to have near me when my life depends on it. She can
just as easily keep an eye on Mystique if Raven was placed in a neat
little box with cameras recording her every move, or one of the million
other devices the X-men mansion is rich with. Having her be part of
your team is one of those tactics that you know won't work... I mean
did they forget X-factor?

Speaking of X-factor... Sabretooth had a leash on, that was set to
explode or something if he ever got funny ideas... it was foolproof...
just like those sentinels they injected him with... these people have a
death wish, at this point I'm just hoping that they get their wish
fulfilled, because they deserve it for being this stupid.

Iceman is now even more powerful than he has ever been before. His body
has been destroyed twice now, utterly destroyed, as in he was nothing
more than vapour... but hey, look he's okay. The first time it took him
some effort to regain his form, but the second time he did it in the
midst of a battle AND took out some Children in the process.

The story itself isn't blowing me away either. The X-men defeat the
serious dark new threat in such a fashion that it look awkwardly easy.
You get five issues of set-up, and one issue where they take the
offense and beat the Children in the blink of an eye. With a
stereotypical warning "We'll be back"... like we haven't heard that
before.

And how exactly did Rogue deduct that the Children were running on
solar energy... and no offense, but the line "we have additional power
stored in our suits" seemed to be tagged on just to explain a potential
plothole that was discovered after a first read. Apparantly Rogue, the
super-leader, super-strategic mastermind, is now also the smartest of
the bunch for coming to a conclusion that's also the correct one based
on... based on what exactly? A large dish on the deck? Claremont pimps
his women like there's no tomorrow, but even he didn't exaggerate to
this extent.

The art is cool, I like Bachallo, I can read Bachallo, but it's not
exactly consistent. We've seen four different versions of Beast thrown
onto the pages, and each looks more horrible than the other. Cat... not
Walrus.

And people keep jumping up and down claiming THIS is the best the X-men
titles have currently got?

I don't get it. I really don't.

Bikon wrote:
> Mike Carey's X-men is wasted on me and I don't understand why I'm
> seemingly the only one online who can't seem to muster up enough
> sympathy for the title to be so extatic about it. Everywhere I go I see
> people doing backflips and foaming at the mouth gurgling that X-men is
> the absolute best, stories, characters, dialogue, it's all the best
> since forever, and it's the best title one can find these days in the
> X-stables.
>
> I'm reading it, and I'm thinking: What the hell have these people been
> sniffing?
>
> The story so far hasn't blown me away.

Really? The best x-offering? I am not aware that that is the widely
held opinion.

I WOULD say what it has going for it is the most interestingly written
Rogue in ages. Detached from Gambit, there is some good character
work beind done with Rogue.
Though this is the second or third time she's been written as a leader
(the other time being when Claremont's "Revolution" return to the
Xbooks...and maybe during the space faring days of Lobdell/Madureira),
this time it approaches working. And despite the reasoning she chooses
her team being a bit shaky, I loved the bit where Rogue brushed off
Cyclops' objections for her choice of squad. A Rogue squadron if you
will. Rogue is filling the role previously held by Storm as being the
foil for Cyclops style of leadership (unconventional tactics, taking
the team away from the mansion etc).

But yeah, the whole "Supernovas" arc? Not too exciting.
The villains werent memorable at all.
The team lineup has some weak spots : never liked Iceman, Cannonball
seems out of place and Cable presence conflicts with whats going on in
his own book. Will take some convincing that newcomers Omega Sentinel
and Lady Mastermind are compelling additions. Mastermind might be
marginally easier to buy. I do expect that the chemistry and interplay
btw Rogue, Mystique and Sabretooth might be worth suspending disbelief
over this being retread of ground covered by previous storyline by
other writers (Mackie's XFactor etc).

I havent given up but would say the book rises and falls on the
character bits for Rogue.