Christmas parrot

Spew warning and the punchline has a borderline PG-13 warning.


A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet
store looking for a unique gift for his wife.
The store manager tells him he has just
what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot
named Chet that sings Christmas carols.

He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird.
The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty,
but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The
manager tells him to watch as he reaches into
his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under
Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing;
"Silent Night, Holy Night." The husband is very impressed
with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager
moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now
starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way."
The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.

The husband rushes home to his wife and insists
upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately.
He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent.
Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot
and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves
the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a
round of "Jingle Bells." The wife is absolutely impressed,
and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what
happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead.

Curious the husband moves the lighter between
the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing-

Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes!
I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.