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mjriley48

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Since: Aug 23, 2003
Posts: 311



(Msg. 31) Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 7:58 pm
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On Wed, 4 Feb 2004 21:50:39 GMT, Tom Holt <lemming.co.DeleteThis@zetnet.co.uk>
wrote:

 >That nice Mr Time and his friend Mr Warner, optimists to the very last
 >twitch, are planning a publicity campaign for 'The Portable Door'; in
 >connection with which, they've asked me to compile a list of Ten Things
 >Not To Do On Your First Day At Work.
 >
 >Any suggestions would be most gratefully received; in addition, there
 >will be a prize for the best suggestion, consisting of a 99 year lease
 >on 3,000 virtual acres of barren, windswept, wild-boar-infested,
 >toxic-waste-strewn, slightly luminous moorland out back of the Big
 >Woods, previously the testing-grounds for the Special Projects Division
 >of Lemmingco.
 >
 >TIA

I've always been amazed at those "dumb criminal" stories, the ones
where the bank robber writes "give me all the money" on the back of
his personal deposit slip. But after reading these lists, which I
have greatly enjoyed and seeing that a lot of the "great ideas" were
witnessed by villagers, I'm not certain whether to cry in despair or
laugh at the stupidity of the human race.

Jackie<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->

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mjriley48

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Since: Aug 23, 2003
Posts: 311



(Msg. 32) Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 8:12 pm
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On Fri, 6 Feb 2004 16:51:51 +0000 (UTC), The Woodlice
<woodlice.DeleteThis@woodlice.net> wrote:

 >In article <ksg720lah3r56ldf0v7887rq1pl7c427bv.DeleteThis@4ax.com>,
 > <mjriley48.DeleteThis@earthlink.net> wrote:
  >>On Thu, 5 Feb 2004 23:58:51 +0000 (UTC), The Woodlice
  >><woodlice.DeleteThis@woodlice.net> wrote:
   >>>eat the backup tapes
   >>>...we seem to be developing a theme here...
 >
  >>If you fellows are that hungry, there's a lot of branches out back
  >>that have been knocked down by the recent snow, ice, sleet, freezing
  >>rain... you name it kind of nasty weather we're been experiencing here
  >>in Northern Virginia.
 >
 >oh bliss, o rapture... "if" we're hungry? have you ever seen a
 >non-hungry woodlouse?
 >
 ><sound of at least fourteen very small biological buzz-saws tearing into
 >wood>
 >
 >The Woodlice

I'm not sure I've even seen a hungry woodlouse. Termites I know, but
I'm not sure woodlice inhabit this neck of the woods. But, bon
appetit!

Jackie<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->

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anon2765

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Since: Jul 06, 2003
Posts: 1125



(Msg. 33) Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 9:04 pm
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In <kki720d7l0c70cp9itf02ri90601k0h8bf.TakeThisOut@4ax.com>,Jackie wrote:

 >I'm not sure I've even seen a hungry woodlouse. Termites I know, but
 >I'm not sure woodlice inhabit this neck of the woods. But, bon
 >appetit!

Oh dear. Woodlice resemble very small even-busier armadillos, if that's
any help.

Owing to a slight misunderstanding on the part of a child who had just
learnt to talk, they are known in our family as 'moonmice'. This seems
to suit them: they do look as if they ought to have been there when
Lunar 2 arrived, cheerfully gnawing on it in a thoughtful sort of way to
see whether it was edible. They have a low-gravity-vehicle air about
them.

Beetle
--
Cartographer, Bombardier, Weather Witch and Village Storekeeper
Selling atonal apples, and amplified heat, and Pressed Rat's
collection of dog-legs and feet. Coffee mornings a speciality.<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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woodlice

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Since: Jul 06, 2003
Posts: 123



(Msg. 34) Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 9:04 pm
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In article <kki720d7l0c70cp9itf02ri90601k0h8bf DeleteThis @4ax.com>,
<mjriley48 DeleteThis @earthlink.net> wrote:
 >I'm not sure I've even seen a hungry woodlouse. Termites I know, but
 >I'm not sure woodlice inhabit this neck of the woods. But, bon
 >appetit!

we're very sorry for you in your woodlouse-deprived condition. would it
help if we pointed you to
<a style='text-decoration: underline;' href="http://images.google.com/images?q=woodlouse&hl=en" target="_blank">http://images.google.com/images?q=woodlouse&hl=en</a>
(just stay away from the dysdera crocata down at the bottom of the page
(shiver))?

The Woodlice<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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mjriley48

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Since: Aug 23, 2003
Posts: 311



(Msg. 35) Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 12:08 am
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On Fri, 6 Feb 2004 18:04:50 +0000 (UTC), The Woodlice
<woodlice DeleteThis @woodlice.net> wrote:

 >In article <kki720d7l0c70cp9itf02ri90601k0h8bf DeleteThis @4ax.com>,
 > <mjriley48 DeleteThis @earthlink.net> wrote:
  >>I'm not sure I've even seen a hungry woodlouse. Termites I know, but
  >>I'm not sure woodlice inhabit this neck of the woods. But, bon
  >>appetit!
 >
 >we're very sorry for you in your woodlouse-deprived condition. would it
 >help if we pointed you to
 >http://images.google.com/images?q=woodlouse&hl=en
 >(just stay away from the dysdera crocata down at the bottom of the page
 >(shiver))?
 >
 >The Woodlice

I was brave, I looked but don't know what it would be in English, so
to speak. Not a very nice page for people who are nervous of beings
possessing an abundance of legs. But there certainly seem to be a
large variety of woodlice to choose between.

Jackie<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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user198

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Since: Nov 26, 2003
Posts: 210



(Msg. 36) Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 12:45 am
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I thought of a few more.
1) Wear a red shirt
2) Leave your ring on the mantelpiece
3) Forget to bring your stake
4) Accidentally hit the button on the gear stick whilst your boss is sitting
in the car with you
5) Drive the monorail train on the boss's big day
6) Find a vehcle, commanded by the prospective partner of the person you've
come to arrest, sitting in front of you threateningly.
7) Show your new colleagues a picture of your partner and child, just before
going on that 'life or death' mission
Au Res.,
Paul
Au Res.,
Paul
--
http://www.efbenson.co.uk/
http://www.paulbines.co.uk
http://www.convergent-diversity.co.uk/
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user198

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Since: Nov 26, 2003
Posts: 210



(Msg. 37) Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 12:51 am
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 > All the operators (most of whom were known
 > for their subsartorial rancidity of apparel - especially
 > on the night shift)
What are you implying about night shif...oh, hang on, slight memory problem
<shakes head> memory restored now.
Au Res.,
Paul (still has some, oh who am I kidding, ALL of the t-shirts I used to
wear on nights)
--
<a style='text-decoration: underline;' href="http://www.efbenson.co.uk/" target="_blank">http://www.efbenson.co.uk/</a>
<a style='text-decoration: underline;' href="http://www.paulbines.co.uk" target="_blank">http://www.paulbines.co.uk</a>
<a style='text-decoration: underline;' href="http://www.convergent-diversity.co.uk/" target="_blank">http://www.convergent-diversity.co.uk/</a><!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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roger

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Since: Jul 04, 2003
Posts: 870



(Msg. 38) Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 1:13 am
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In article <c01286$868$1@titan.btinternet.com>,
Paul B. <p.a.bines.RemoveThis@spambtinternettrap.com> wrote:

 >Paul (still has some, oh who am I kidding, ALL of the t-shirts I used to
 >wear on nights)

I still have the ties I wore for phone duty. They required a collared
shirt plus tie, or a company sweatshirt (even hotter), for the call
centre; so I started a collection of ties with non-repeating patterns in
as many colours as possible.

On my last day there, I wore a mail tie (knitted, in fact, by the
Squoire Himself). I understand the dress code has been relaxed.

Firedrake R
(Firedrake of the Village and former Good Egg)<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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roger

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Since: Jul 04, 2003
Posts: 870



(Msg. 39) Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 1:14 am
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In article <c011u6$7fu$1@titan.btinternet.com>,
Paul B. <p.a.bines.TakeThisOut@spambtinternettrap.com> wrote:

 >7) Show your new colleagues a picture of your partner and child, just before
 >going on that 'life or death' mission

* Do _anything_ when it's two weeks to retirement.

* Decide to keep the beach/mountain/aquarium open, because you don't
really believe in the shark/volcano/shark and you don't want to lose
tourist revenue.

Firedrake R
(Firedrake of the Village and former Good Egg)<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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mjriley48

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Since: Aug 23, 2003
Posts: 311



(Msg. 40) Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 1:39 am
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On Fri, 6 Feb 2004 22:14:56 +0000 (UTC), Roger Burton West
<roger.RemoveThis@nospam.firedrake.org> wrote:

 >In article <c011u6$7fu$1@titan.btinternet.com>,
 >Paul B. <p.a.bines.RemoveThis@spambtinternettrap.com> wrote:
 >
  >>7) Show your new colleagues a picture of your partner and child, just before
  >>going on that 'life or death' mission
 >
 >* Do _anything_ when it's two weeks to retirement.
 >
snip

Why bother to retire when you can RIP* and keep getting the full pay
packet.


*Acronym used to describe those who won't retire, won't work and you
can't fire without doing 5 tons of paperwork to "prove" the lack of
work on their part.

Jackie<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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roger

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Since: Jul 04, 2003
Posts: 870



(Msg. 41) Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 1:41 am
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In article <lq5820pfl3su1tkcucgk7c0e6jlvehdo5o.RemoveThis@4ax.com>,
<mjriley48.RemoveThis@earthlink.net> wrote:

 >Why bother to retire when you can RIP* and keep getting the full pay
 >packet.

You haven't been watching enough bad cop films recently.

Firedrake R
(Firedrake of the Village and former Good Egg)<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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junk1

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Since: Jan 10, 2004
Posts: 13



(Msg. 42) Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 2:52 am
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On Thu, 5 Feb 2004 22:28:48 GMT, Tom Holt <lemming.co RemoveThis @zetnet.co.uk> wrote:

 >But... but I did all of those...
 >
Ah, so you were the mysterious person who I had to share an office with for,
erm, 3 hours... Explains a lot... Smile

MP (OK, my co-worker didn't do all of them. And he didn't bring a whole TV in,
just a TV tuner USB box thingy. He did invite me to watch Neighbours though. I
found this an unforgivable sin...)
--
No signature. No names. No identifying marks. Apart from the MP.
And the email address. And the other headers.
But apart from that...<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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brightly_colou

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Since: Sep 24, 2003
Posts: 470



(Msg. 43) Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 12:54 pm
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in article kki720d7l0c70cp9itf02ri90601k0h8bf.DeleteThis@4ax.com,
mjriley48.DeleteThis@earthlink.net at mjriley48.DeleteThis@earthlink.net wrote on 06/02/2004 9:12
AM:

 > On Fri, 6 Feb 2004 16:51:51 +0000 (UTC), The Woodlice
 > <woodlice.DeleteThis@woodlice.net> wrote:
 >
  >> In article <ksg720lah3r56ldf0v7887rq1pl7c427bv.DeleteThis@4ax.com>,
  >> <mjriley48.DeleteThis@earthlink.net> wrote:
   >>> On Thu, 5 Feb 2004 23:58:51 +0000 (UTC), The Woodlice
   >>> <woodlice.DeleteThis@woodlice.net> wrote:
   >>>> eat the backup tapes
   >>>> ...we seem to be developing a theme here...
  >>
   >>> If you fellows are that hungry, there's a lot of branches out back
   >>> that have been knocked down by the recent snow, ice, sleet, freezing
   >>> rain... you name it kind of nasty weather we're been experiencing here
   >>> in Northern Virginia.
  >>
  >> oh bliss, o rapture... "if" we're hungry? have you ever seen a
  >> non-hungry woodlouse?
  >>
  >> <sound of at least fourteen very small biological buzz-saws tearing into
  >> wood>
  >>
  >> The Woodlice
 >
 > I'm not sure I've even seen a hungry woodlouse. Termites I know, but
 > I'm not sure woodlice inhabit this neck of the woods. But, bon
 > appetit!

You might know them as sow-bugs or pill-bugs. They're desperately cute
whatever they're called, as they trudge around on all their little isopods,
wildly semaphoring with their antennae.

--
Lesley Weston.

Brightly_coloured_blob is real, so as not to upset the sys-apes, but I don't
actually read anything sent to it before I empty it. To reach me, use lesley
att vancouverbc dott nett, changing spelling and spacing as required.<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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woodlice

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Since: Jul 06, 2003
Posts: 123



(Msg. 44) Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 4:39 pm
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In article <BC4A663B.213F7%brightly_coloured_blob@yahoo.co.uk>,
Lesley Weston <brightly_coloured_blob.DeleteThis@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:

 >You might know them as sow-bugs or pill-bugs. They're desperately cute
 >whatever they're called, as they trudge around on all their little isopods,
 >wildly semaphoring with their antennae.

<blissed-out grin>

The Woodlice<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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nospam18

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Since: Aug 26, 2003
Posts: 100



(Msg. 45) Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 2:59 am
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In article <2004020421503976639 DeleteThis @zetnet.co.uk>, lemming.co DeleteThis @zetnet.co.uk (Tom
Holt) wrote:

 > they've asked me to compile a list of Ten Things Not To Do On Your First
 > Day At Work.

Whistle

--
To reply email rafe, at the address cix co uk<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
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