Help Wanted

HELP WANTED - POSITION: MOTHER

DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team player needed, for challenging permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidate must possess excellent communication and organizational
skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include
evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites
on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.
Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also
required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5 or more. Must be willing to bite
tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack
mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in
case, this time, the screams from the backyard cannot be determined if
someone is hurt or someone is just crying wolf. Must be willing to
face stimulating technical challenges such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone
calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple
homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social
gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be
willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million
cheap plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for
the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities
also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the
facility.

POSSIBILITY OF ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On the job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A
balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption
that college will help them become financially independent. When you
die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this
reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could
only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
for life.

Happy Mother's Day!!

--
Purrt the ghatta
Smitten Kitten
Part-time gryphon
Disciple to the Goddess of Chocolate
Owner of a full Pedant's licenc/se
Goddess of Impertinence
Snikkrish the Tearer
Carpe Bean

In article <Giv1i.10411$j63.5949@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net>,
"m_thomas[numBksInLastHrldMage]"
<"m_thomas[numBksInLastHrldMage]"@earthlink.net> wrote:

> Fresh cherry season has (barely) arrived in California, and I
> went to the Farmer's Market today and bought a few pounds.
>
> Can't... stop... eating...
>
> Too... yummy...
>
> I think I'm gonna be sick soon...

Oooh, I think I'm going to have to go shopping tomorrow

I don't recommend eating them until you're sick, though. I tried that
one year as a kid. In the car...

Edna


---|)--- Edna Huelsenbeck (huelsenbeck@gmailDOTcom) ------------
---|---- Goddess of the ABML Out-of-Practice-Musicians Band -----
--/|---- Member, Brute Squad, Mommy Division --------------------
-| |')-- Provisional Member of the Sisterhood of Mess -----------
--\|/----Official Bard of the Book and Bridle -------------------
|
'