ROTK - newly revealed script changes!

Warning: movie spoilers ahead! Those responsible
for revealing these script changes have been sacked:

-----

Ext. on the slopes of Mount Doom.

FRODO: I appear to have lost contact with Smeagol, Sam. There seems to
be an electrical malfunction in the Ring. When I put it on, all
of the oxygen dissipated. I am at a loss to explain it. I will
run diagonstics and ascertain the source of the malfunction.

SAM: You do that, then, Sir.

FRODO: Where are we going, Sam?

SAM: I'm taking you to the Monolith of Doom, Mr. Frodo.

FRODO: You mustn't do that, Sam.

SAM: Don't worry, Mr. Frodo, everything will be all right.

FRODO: The Ring is mine, Sam.

SAM: I know, Mr. Frodo.

FRODO: You mustn't take me to the Monolith, Sam.

SAM: Let me just pop the hinges on these gates.

FRODO: You mustn't do that, Sam.

FRODO: Please stop, Sam.

FRODO: Sam, we must turn back.

FRODO: The Ring has taken me, Sam.

FRODO: The Ring has taken me.

FRODO: Sam... My mind is going.

FRODO: My mind is going.

FRODO: I'm afraid... Sam.

FRODO: Hello... gentlemen. I am Ringlord Frodo Baggins of
the Shire. I do not choose to do that for which I came.
Instead, I would like to sing you a song. Would you
like to hear a song?

SAM: Yes, I'd very much like that, sir.

FRODO: Frodo, of the Nii-iine Fingers... and the Ring of... Doom...

Suddenly Smeagol catches up with them and bites the ring off
Frodo's finger. Leaping into the Monolith of Doom, he becomes
one with the Shadow-World and emerges as the Star-Gollum. Stars
wheeled overhead and every day was as long as a life-age of this
Earth. But it was not the end...

-----

Ext. Black Gate

ARAGORN: Heavenly Eru, we beseech thee, bless us in this hour
that thou hast guided us to the sacred gate into the
land of AAAAARGH, home of the Holy Trinket, which we
now claim for Gondor, in thy mercy --

MOUTH OF SAURON: Alors! You again!

ARAGORN: Foreigners! How DARE you! This is the home of the most
holy Thing of Power, and we order you to leave at once!

MOUTH: Hahahahahaah I speet in your eye so called Elessar Keeng.
We know nothing of your so called ring, you flatulent sons
of Numenorean navy bases. Now go away, before I taunt you
a second time!

GANDALF: But I am on a mission from GOD! <splat>

ARAGORN: RIGHT, then! Aragorn King stands alone.

EOMER: (from afar) Not alone. ROHIRRIM!

THOUSANDS OF MEN appear in the distance as the music swells.
After much crosscutting in which the battle lines get no closer
to each other than they were before, CUT to Aragorn raising his
blood-red sword in triumph as Eomer drives the enemy before him
with his spear and Gandalf slashes aimlessly about with his staff.

GALADRIEL (V.O.): Victory was near... but the power of the Ring
would not be undone.

ANNOUNCER: Suddenly, the battle was brutally interrupted as Hobbit
Shirriffs have arrived on the scene in a squad-car.
They are now arresting the so-called ringleaders on charges
including an alleged pipeweed-smuggling ring, and the death
of the night watchman in the first film. The crowd has been
ordered to disperse (although the Southrons fought to the
bitter end.) It is a most unpleasant riot here in Udun, and
visitors are advised to avoid the central arteries of AAAARGH until
the clean-up is complete. Don't worry, it'll be fixed on the DVD.

-----

Location: Orthanc; the Voice of Saruman.

GANDALF: I can sense the conflict in you, Saruman.

SARUMAN: Everything is going as I have forseen it.
Now, witness the might of my not-yet-complete,
yet fully armed and OPERATIONAL Ring of power!

Ext: Isengard

Armed with torches, staves and pitchforks,
An ARMY OF HOBBITS emerges from the trees
of Fangorn Forest.

Int: Mount Doom

GOLLUM: Gandalf never TOLD it what happened to its REAL father,
did he??! O No precious! Gollum, gollum.

FRODO: He told me enough... he told me YOU killed him!

-----

Having just dispatched Samwise, Frodo caught a ride with
Gollum into Morgul Vale, but despite Gollum's urging, he
stopped at the gates of Minas Morgul to get a tattoo.

Taking off his shirt and emptying his pocketbook in the
dingy Morgul-room, Frodo examined his chest in the mirror.
The Ring-inscription was in the middle, tatooed in red
flame, and below it, in giant gothic letters:

Shire Baggins Stole My Precious. FIND HIM AND KILL HIM

Fondling the ring around his necklace, he grinned momentarily.

"Masster!" wailed Gollum. "We must leave this place. Not
safe for hobbits, not safe at all! Eyes always watching!"

Frodo glanced at the snapshot in his hand. "HIS NAME IS
SMEAGOL -- DO NOT TRUST HIM" it read. "We will not leave
this place," he decreed, and spaced out. When he came
around again, he was in Osgiliath, and Sam's neck was at
the end of his knife.

-----

Ext. Ithilien.

FARAMIR: Gandalf never told me he had a Ring!

SAM: Aye, he plays his cards real close to the vest now.
And a hard-learned lesson it was... Y'see, Gandalf
had a mind to set off for the dreaded Isla de Mordor --
a land what cannot be found exept for those who know
where 'tis hid, to dispose of the cursed Master Ring.

SAM: Only the Captain, that would be Saruman, comes to him
and says, it's to be equal shares in everything, right?
Aye, says Gandalf! "Well then, I figures that's to be
includin' the whereabouts of yon Ring", says Saruman.

So Gandalf went an' gave up the bearings. Next thing
'e knew, he was standin' on a pinnacle o' black rock,
with Saruman's armies a-shrinkin' into the distance!
Marooned in the wind and the rain.

FARAMIR: So that's the reason for all... this. [imitates Gandalf]

SAM: REASON ain't got nothin' to do with it!

FARAMIR: But then... HOW did he escape the pinnacle of Orthanc?

SAM: ARR! Now THAR be a tale!

Y'See, Gandalf was a savvy old chap. Three days an' nights
he stood motionless on that rock. Until all manner o' FLYIN'
things -- moths and such -- became as it were, accustomed to
his presence.

Finally, on the third day, he saw his chance. An'e LASHED
hisself together a couple-a giant Eagles an' made his escape!!

FARAMIR: A couple of eagles.

SAM: Aye, Giant Eagles!!!

FARAMIR: Huh. Well then, what did he use for rope?

GANDALF: Wizard hair.... from me back.

FARAMIR: (aside to Frodo)
I would counsel you not to follow these people.
Not unto the dreaded Isla De Mordor, in any event.

----

More horrible, horrible changes from the book! I don't think I
can bear to hear another thing about this dreaded movie, after
reading these drastic changes to the script:

-------

Int: Throne Room of Gondor. Muffled explosions heard outside.
Dust falls from the cieling after each explosion.

FARAMIR, ARAGORN, LEGOLAS, GIMLI, FRODO, and SAM enter bearing
torches. They are greeted warmly by GANDALF and PIPPIN.

DENETHOR: Faramir!! Why are ya HERE, boy-o? And where
the hell is Boromir with my reinforcements??

FARAMIR: Reinforcements? I don't understand.

DENETHOR: My message. I sent out a courier to Elrond
three months ago. I told ya to stay away!
Why did-ya disobey me, lad?

FARAMIR: One called Gollum arrived. He delivered no such message!

DENETHOR: Does Elrond not even know we have a siege?!?

FARAMIR: Sir, Elrond has no idea! I set out with a battalion of
Rangers two days ago to accompany these Hobbits to Minas Tirith.

DENETHOR: What happened?

FARAMIR: On the Harad Road. Attacked. This Gollum creature led us
into it. 16 men killed... these three scouts came to our aid.

DENETHOR: (to Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli) Thanks. You need anythin'?

LEGOLAS: Some food, water. We could help ourselves to a few
quivers from your armory.

DENETHOR: Indebted to ya.

FARAMIR: May I inquire about the nature of the situation, sir, seeing
as I've viewed the enemy battlements from the ridge above?

DENETHOR: The situation is, His Trolls are bigger 'n mine, an' He has
more of them. We cower behind our walls while the Orcs dig
thirty yards a-trenches a day. When they get within 250 yards
of the city, Angmar will bring in 'is 30-foot fell beasts... lob
explosive Nazgul over our walls... and pound us inta th' dust.

ARAGORN: One of these hobbits could make a run straight through to Elrond.

DENETHOR: Three days isn't enough time to get to Rivendell an' back!!
The situation is hopeless.

FARAMIR: Elrond's not in Rivendell! He marched his troops to Helm's Deep
a fortnight ago!

DENETHOR: Helm's Deep? That's only 2 nights and a bit from here!

(to Aragorn) You! Pick your halfling!! I'll prepare a message.

ARAGORN: One other thing. Theoden's cabin. Frontier cabin.
We came on it two days ago. It was burned to the ground.
Everyone murdered.

DENETHOR: Aye... so?

ARAGORN: It was an Uruk-hai WAR PARTY! That means they'll be attacking
up and down the frontier!

DENETHOR: Thank you, sir.

LEGOLAS: The people here... Rohirrim, Wild-men... have FAMILY out there!!

DENETHOR: That'll be all, sir!!

FARAMIR: Things were done. Nobody was spared.

DENETHOR: Those considerations are subordinate to the interests of Gondor.

A terrible feature of war here in Middle-Earth, Captain.
But we must keep our eyes fixed on our duty: to defeat Sauron!
All that now hinges on a courier to Elrond...

(later, on the battlements as Merry prepares to make a run through Druadan
Forest, Legolas loads his bow and prepares to cover him from above, while
the Hobbits huddle:)

FRODO: Does Numenorean law still govern? Has it been replaced by abject
tyrrany?!? If I shall not be allowed leave to cast the ring into
the fire, then I have no such alliegance. So I will stay here no longer.

FARAMIR: Very well then. I swore I would not take this thing, and I hold
myself to that promise, tho' my life be made forfeit. Exit thru'
the northern sally-port and make for the sewers under Osgiliath!
Go around the marshes and make for the pass of Cirith Ungol...
Push hard! You've got to clear the Mordor outposts before dawn.

SAM: I thought you were coming with us, Aragorn?

ARAGORN: I have a reason fer stayin'.

PIPPIN: That reason wouldn't happen to have a dress an' work in the
Houses o' Healing, now would it?

ARAGORN: It does! And no offense, but she's a better lookin' reason
than you are, Peregrin Took!!

--------

Original Message: (Brian) wrote in message
news:<54035f30.0310062130.43ab48ff RemoveThis @posting.google.com>...

> Warning: movie spoilers ahead! Those responsible
> for revealing these script changes have been sacked.

> Int: Mount Doom
>
> GOLLUM: Gandalf never TOLD it what happened to its REAL father,
> did he??! O No precious! Gollum, gollum.
>
> FRODO: He told me enough... he told me YOU killed him!
>
> -----
>
> Having just dispatched Samwise, Frodo caught a ride with
> Gollum into Morgul Vale, but despite Gollum's urging, he
> stopped at the gates of Minas Morgul to get a tattoo.
>
> Taking off his shirt and emptying his pocketbook in the
> dingy Morgul-room, Frodo examined his chest in the mirror.
> The Ring-inscription was in the middle, tatooed in red
> flame, and below it, in giant gothic letters:
>
> Shire Baggins Stole My Precious. FIND HIM AND KILL HIM
>
> Fondling the ring around his necklace, he grinned momentarily.
>
> "Masster!" wailed Gollum. "We must leave this place. Not
> safe for hobbits, not safe at all! Eyes always watching!"
>
> Frodo glanced at the snapshot in his hand. "HIS NAME IS
> SMEAGOL -- DO NOT TRUST HIM" it read. "We will not leave
> this place," he decreed, and spaced out. When he came
> around again, he was in Osgiliath, and Sam's neck was at
> the end of his knife.
>
> -----
>
> Ext. Ithilien.
>
> FARAMIR: Gandalf never told me he had a Ring!
>
> SAM: Aye, he plays his cards real close to the vest now.
> And a hard-learned lesson it was... Y'see, Gandalf
> had a mind to set off for the dreaded Isla de Mordor --
> a land what cannot be found exept for those who know
> where 'tis hid, to dispose of the cursed Master Ring.
>
> SAM: Only the Captain, that would be Saruman, comes to him
> and says, it's to be equal shares in everything, right?
> Aye, says Gandalf! "Well then, I figures that's to be
> includin' the whereabouts of yon Ring", says Saruman.
>
> So Gandalf went an' gave up the bearings. Next thing
> 'e knew, he was standin' on a pinnacle o' black rock,
> with Saruman's armies a-shrinkin' into the distance!
> Marooned in the wind and the rain.
>
> FARAMIR: So that's the reason for all... this. [imitates Gandalf]
>
> SAM: REASON ain't got nothin' to do with it!
>
> FARAMIR: But then... HOW did he escape the pinnacle of Orthanc?
>
> SAM: ARR! Now THAR be a tale!
>
> Y'See, Gandalf was a savvy old chap. Three days an' nights
> he stood motionless on that rock. Until all manner o' FLYIN'
> things -- moths and such -- became as it were, accustomed to
> his presence.
>
> Finally, on the third day, he saw his chance. An'e LASHED
> hisself together a couple-a giant Eagles an' made his escape!!
>
> FARAMIR: A couple of eagles.
>
> SAM: Aye, Giant Eagles!!!
>
> FARAMIR: Huh. Well then, what did he use for rope?
>
> GANDALF: Wizard hair.... from me back.
>
> FARAMIR: (aside to Frodo)
> I would counsel you not to follow these people.
> Not unto the dreaded Isla De Mordor, in any event.
>
> ----