Things I have Learned Over The Years

From my mother.

Subject: Fw: Things I have Learned Over The Years

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of
natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a
weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground
easily, it was a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool. who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Always get the last word in: Apologize.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use
the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
You read about all these terrorists --- most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and
those people are all over you.
Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

--
TTFN
Paige
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

"Paige" <ppwalker.RemoveThis@sympatico.ca> writes:

 >From my mother.

 >Subject: Fw: Things I have Learned Over The Years

A POINT to your mother.

[snippage]

 >AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
 >You read about all these terrorists --- most of them came here legally, but
 >they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years.
 >Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and
 >those people are all over you.
 >Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

Please help me! I am sorely tempted to print this out and post it on a
bulletin board near the people here who provide support to DHS.

Joe Morris<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->