The Tillyville Times - June 6, 2004

The Tillyville Times - June 6, 2004

Vol 1 No 2



Welcome to Tillyville!

An original illustrated story delivered daily to your e-mail box.

http://tillyville.com (come see all our cool free stuff!)



= THIS WEEK IN TILLYVILLE =

Come check out the Hot Tomatoes. They're goofy, and on SUNDAY they have the
hiccups.

On MONDAY Tilly instructs Skinny on the art of polishing silver. "Rubbing with
silver polish and a soft cloth just gets rid of the tarnish, not the dance."
Chocolate Rat has his own ideas.

No question Tilly would rather work with bulldozers, but TUESDAY the stone box
needs painting, and Tilly is up to the task. Or is he?

WEDNESDAY: Chocolate Rat gets a gig crooning a Cough Drops commercial on WJD,
Tillyville's radio station. And he's good at it. Too good!

THURSDAY: Skinny figures out a way to ease the tax bite. And ends up in jail.

Audrey loves a good bedtime story, especially from her brother Dorian, who
tells them weird, scary and funny. Wear your P.J.'s FRIDAY, and find out!

THEN IT STRUCK ME that people make their greatest discoveries in the strangest
ways: Isaac Newton understood gravity when hit in the head by an apple. Wonder
what happens then when you get hit by a Hm, this SATURDAY?



TILLYVILLE RESIDENTS TO GET CERTIFICATES

This week, the Tillyville Village Council announced that all Tillyville
residents will be getting Certificates of Citizenship.

The documents show the citizen's name and date of residency, and declare that
the citizen is due all rights and privileges.

Official documents carry the official Tillyville seal.



TILLYVILLE HOUSING STARTS SKYROCKET: SUBSCRIBERS' HOMES APPEARING 'OUT OF THIN
AIR'
by Humbert Johns

A long-haired teen named Bobbo paused on the way to his friend's house at the
north end of town, to watch a bulldozer busily making way for a tract of
housing.

"Just look at all the new houses, dude," he said, a bit dazed while nursing a
golf ball-sized lump on his forehead, "they're like popping up out of thin
air!"

Bobbo is one of many residents marveling at the splendid homes being built for
a flood of new Tillyville citizens and subscribers. According to City Hall,
all Tillyville subscribers will have new houses built for them, in a style and
location of their choosing.

"Tillyville is all about the kids and parents who visit," said developer Darth
Elbow. "You want a house? We build you a house!"

"The real beauty of this type of construction is it's enviro-friendly," Elbow
said. "In place of lumber, we're using pixels, colors and other naturally
sustainable materials."

As befits their names, both Tilly Squirrel and Geneva Owl are on record as
supporting the tree-friendly measures. So does the snake beneath the apple
tree between the toy store and Pompadour's Barber Shop.

Tillyville citizens and prospective residents are encouraged to visit the
planning commission on the third floor of City Hall, where they can pick the
street and site of their homes. Or, they may write to tilly.DeleteThis@tillyville.com for
zoning information.



POLICE BLOTTER

JUNE 5: A pair of trespassers were chased from Tillyville's Magnolia Golf
Course Saturday afternoon. The two men form an international ring of golf ball
robbers and recyclers, according to security guard Chuck Forearm. Forearm
warned citizens to be on the lookout for phony golf balls; the real ones, he
said, "have all these amazing little dimples, I can stare at them for hours."



THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING T's

The Tillyville Village Council met in special emergency session this morning to
discuss the disappearance of T's from the Certificate of Citizenship.

"I don't get it," Skinny McKinney said. "If the T's disappeared, shouldn't it
be Cerifiae of Ciizenship?"

"Easy for you to say," said Rupert Rabbit with a smirk.

"One thing for sure," Geneva Owl said, "I don't want to live in a town called
Illyville."

Barn Rayburn smiled and Howie Howard guffawed. Loon Hawkins, seated between
Barn and Howie, hooted. Rupert Rabbit, sitting behind Hawkins, punched him in
the arm.

"Illyville, that's funny," Loon Hawkins insisted.

Rupert punched him again.

"Ow."

"Did you call me?" Howie Howard asked.

"No, I just--"

Rupert punched Hawkins a third time.

"Order, please! I implore you," Chocolate Rat told the group from the head of
the table. He pounded his gavel with such force it sounded like wood splitting
under an axe.

"You tell 'em, Choc," said Loon Hawkins, rubbing the red spot on his arm.

Chocolate Rat went to pound his gavel again, but he found he was holding only
the handle. The mallet head had split from the stem and lay in Geneva Owl's
lap. Geneva picked up the wooden cylinder and shook her head slowly at
Chocolate.

"Sorry," Chocolate Rat said sheepishly.

At this point Tilly Squirrel switched on the overhead projector. The machine
whirred. A slide blossomed upon the screen. "As you can see," Tilly said,
wielding his pointer, "not all the T's disappeared."

"I don't see any disappeared T's," Howie Howard said.

"You wouldn't," Loon Hawkins said.

Rupert Rabbit drew back his arm, but Geneva Owl gave him a stern look, and
Rupert scratched his head above his right ear.

"The thief, or whoever or whatever it was, was very clever," Tilly Squirrel
said. He tapped the pointer meaningfully.

"So who was this thief?" Rupert Rabbit asked, continuing to scratch his head.

"I saw a couple of suspicious characters on the golf course the other day,"
said Chuck Forearm, head of security at Tillyville's Magnolia Golf Club.

"That is so Last Week," Skinny McKinney said.

Forearm shrugged.

"What exactly are these certificates?" Barn Rayburn wanted to know.

"Geneva, could you explain?" Chocolate Rat said.

"The Tillyville Certificates of Citizenship," Geneva Owl began, "are for the
people of Tillyville. Each person gets one. It says we are entitled to all
rights and privileges."

"Hereby," put in Skinny McKinney. "It says 'hereby entitled.' What does
hereby mean?"

"It's supposed to be thereby," Chocolate Rat said.

"Ah," Skinny said. "What does thereby mean?"

"It means we have rights," Loon Hawkins said.

"And privileges," Howie Howard added.

"And we don't have these rights and privileges if we don't have thereby or
hereby?" Barn Rayburn wanted to know.

Howie shrugged. Loon shrugged. Rupert Rabbit scratched his head.

Everyone looked at Tilly Squirrel.

"Well," he said, tapping his pointer, "interesting point. But it doesn't help
solve the problem of the missing T."

"Maybe it's a silent T," speculated Skinny McKinney.

"Like in France," said Rupert Rabbit, nodding sagely.

"Exactly," said Howie Howard.

"There's no T in France," said Loon Hawkins.

"Because in France they drink wine, silly," said Howie Howard.

Rupert made to punch Howie in the arm. Chocolate Rat made to pound his
empty-headed gavel. Geneva Owl said, "I'd rather live in Illyville than in
France," and then she tittered.

"That does it. That does it. This meeting is adjourned," proclaimed Chocolate
Rat, tapping his headless gavel on the table.

Tilly Squirrel caught up to Howie and Loon in the city hall hallway a few
moments later. "Hey, boys, where are you off to in such a hurry? Want to head
over to the ball field, throw the old ball around?"

"Can't right now," Howie said. "Me and Loon are going to play golf."

"Yeah," Loon said. "Yesterday a couple of guys sold us these
ultra-biodegradable golf tees. Howie and me been itching to try them out."



OVERHEARD AT POMPADOUR'S BARBER SHOP

VISITOR IN BARBER'S CHAIR: How would you describe the rain in Tillyville?

POMPADOUR: Oh I don't know ... mostly small drops of water that fall from the
sky.



LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Dear Tilly,

Wow! Very impressive! I had no idea what to expect during my visit. I really
enjoyed Tillyville.

Karen
Bolingbrook, Illinois



Come visit Tillyville, where the weather's always perfect!

http://tillyville.com

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