This Week on Antiques Road Show...

This week on the Antiques Roadshow...

We have a gold band here, that is said to originally have been an
heirloom of a royal family won in an ancient battle before it was lost
in a river and found by its current holder about 500 years ago. We're
here to appraise its current worth.

(Amidst the background crowd noise in the convention center)

"Well, after studying the records we've determined that it might, in
fact, be the very same heirloom mentioned in the accounts. But we need
to first run some tests on it. Could I take a look at the band?"

"Sure. Here you go--" (SNATCH) "what are you doing?!"

"What I've done is throw it in this fire, here. Let me take it out of
the flame with these, here, tongs." (tong, tong) "Ah, there we go.
Hold out your hand."

"But..."

"Don't worry, it's still cool." (hand, hand) "There you go."

"Hey. It IS cool!"

"Now, if this is the heirloom spoken of in these stories..."

"Wait! Something's starting to change on it."

"Yes. As I was saying: if the band starts to show ancient writing on
it, after being subject to a fire, then it's the heirloom. Here, let
me take a look--"

"Unh?! It's mine! My very own!"

"Okay... just show it to me."

"My precious."

"Well, that's what we're here to determine. Yes, I see it. That's the
writing we were looking for."

"So, how much is my precious worth?"

"Oh, it is very precious. I think it will go for ...
well ..." (SNATCH) "FOR FREE! It's my birthday!"

A scuffle breaks out on the Antiques Roadshow.

"Give that back to me!"

"No! It's mine! It's my ring now! My precious! My birthday present."

(Scuffle, scuffle)

"It's whispering stuff!"

(Screams and choking sounds)

"My new birthday present is so cool! It talks sweet nothings to me. My
love, my precious."