On Wolf Larsen & Ivory Laid Vellum

Greetings all,

It's David, your publisher. I'm writing this to let you know that the
exclusive Wolf Larsen signing went off without a hitch yesterday. He's now
officially one of us, and the cost isn't even worth mentioning. Though I
have to say it's amazing the effect a rag and some chloroform can have on
a little authorial resistance, especially when someone spends his spare
time on commercial fishing boats in the Bering Sea, and building up his
credit scores. All that was taken care of by the fellowship and
constituents of the firm in question, and the exciting news is now Wolf
will GET to stay out at sea for the whole year round rather than just
seasonally! So it's going to work out well for both parties, I'm sure. And
I'm sure he'll be delighted when he finally comes to.

In other news, my associate, a certain Harvey Fisk Phipard, has come into
the office today to talk to us about paper, specifically ivory laid
vellum, or vellum in and of itself.

Go ahead Harvey. Go and do what you do best:

Thank you David. Always a pleasure.

In the first place, it is necessary that the vellum should have just a
little more than a suspicion of dampness (not enough to make the sheet
cockle) and this is best got by the following method:

Well wet down half a ream of good stout white paper (equivalent in weight
to 60lb. demy). This should be well turned for about 3 or 4 days, and kept
in a damp cellar.

(Dockery Will's basement would be ideal for the conditions)

When the vellums are to be printed, this paper should be brought out, and
a skin put in about the middle; a flat board should be placed on top, and,
on top of that, a ream of paper to act as a weight. Only put in one skin
at a time.

After the skin has been between the damp sheets from 30 to 45 seconds,
according to the thickness of the skins, it should be printed at once and
not waved in the air more than can be helped.

After printing, the skins should be interleaved with dry paper (and not
kept damp), and the same process gone through in printing the
re-iteration. This allows of perfect register being got.

Print the rough side of the vellum first on the inner forme. This is
important as the skins spoil on the rough side more frequently than on the
smooth.

Always print one more vellum than the number required, in case of
accident; and if there are any heavy borders or large initials, two should
be pulled. This will be found in the end to be a great saving.

As hardly two skins are of the same thickness, the Pressman must use
judgment as to the impression. The impression should be rather dwelt on.

It is best to work off both sides of the skin in black first, before
printing the red, as red ink has a great tendency to run on damp skin. The
red should be printed when the skin is quite dry.

Thanks, Harv.

Okay David, I appreciate this wonderful opportunity and I'm glad, as
always, to have been of assistance.

--

So you see folks, there's a whole art to the production of books made with
fine leaves of vellum.

And we wouldn't put just anyone's work on the paper.

No siree! Our poets are hand-picked as if from the most bountiful fruit
trees on God's green earth, and we invest a lot of time and money in their
talents also.

So, here goes...

Dockery Will, I'm going to ask you once more, may we have permission to
publish your work? We at the company want nothing more than to see your
song-poems in the upcoming edition of Humpenfeld's Best. It's as simple as
that.

Furthermore, you will receive 25% off the regular price of £26.18 (U.S.
$45.55), and you will be published in a hardbound, 225-page edition
printed in two colours on none other than ivory laid vellum, what with a
highly detailed, finely crafted ornate cover and a single poem to a page.
Dockery Will, this edition promises to exceed your expectations, and it
will enjoy pride of place in your home. In fact, its quality is
guaranteed. If for any reason you are dissatisfied, your money will be
completely refunded in U.S. dollars (with proper
dispatch).

Thanks,

D. Humpenfeld,
with special guest H.F. Phipard (paper expert)