What if?... Marvel bought DC

Jay and Diane Rudin wrote:
> <barnett RemoveThis @shentel.net> wrote in message
> news:1118267649.669845.12890@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> > Okay imgine AOL-Time Warner or whatever they are right now decides to
> > get out of the comics business and sells DC. Marvel picks up their
> > competition. They realize that neither the MU or DCU are big enough
> > for all those heroes and villains, so they keep running two distinct
> > universes. But they decide some characters might fit better in the
> > other universe. So in Crisis on Two Earths a major villain wipes out
> > reality, but things are put back together with some heroes originating
> > in the opposite reality.
> >
> > Who makes the switch?
>
> Well, first we'd get the long-awaited Power Pack / Sugar & Spike crossover.
> Then Jimmy Olsen gets a job as a photographer with the Hanover Modelling
> Agency, and we get a long, deeply psychological story about the Jimmy /
> Clicker feud over Millie. Professor X moves to the DCU, sees the Doom
> Patrol, shakes his head in disbelief, and returns home. Lumpkin Lad tries
> to join the Legion of Super-Heroes, but is rejected because his ear-wiggling
> might distract the team in battle. The Maniaks make a comeback with Dazzler
> as lead singer. The Newsboy Legion decide that Officer Jim Harper is really
> Captain America. The Clone Saga is retold as "The Story of Spiderman-Red
> and Spiderman-Blue." The Rawhide Kid moves to DC and teams up with Cinnamon
> Carter, while Bat Lash moves to Marvel and meets the Two-Gun Kid. Kid Colt,
> Outlaw gets disgusted, leaves both worlds, and is soon found in Roy Rogers
> comics, where Roy and Trigger finally prove his innocence. WayneTech and
> Stark Industries get into a big proxy fight over the recently merged Roxxon
> / LexCorp company, which gets more and more bitter until both are
> financially exhausted, at which point all three companies are taken over by
> a consortium of Mr. Lodge, Richie Rich and Scrooge McDuck. Captain Sprocket
> and Captain Klutz join with Captain America, Captain Atom, and Captain
> Carrot. Monica Lambeau starts saying "Shazam!" to use her light powers (and
> "Xam!" to turn them off). Li'l Lotta joins the Avengers while Baby Huey
> becomes a JLA member. The Quintessence becomes the Octessence when Shazam,
> Zeus, Phantom Stranger, Highfather and Ganthet are joined by the High
> Evolutionary, Odin and Casper . Meanwhile, Nightmare joins the Legion of
> Super Pets, and Spooky the Tuff Li'l Ghost starts hanging with Wolverine and
> Punisher. Nick Fury joins Checkmate, Amanda Waller joins THUNDER, and SHIELD
> hires Dynamo and Noman. Billy Batson goes down the abandoned subway past
> the statues of the seven deadly sins, and doesn't know what to do when Mr.
> Natural shows up. Princess Diana, Simon Williams, Donna Troy, Jan, Zayna,
> and Philbert Desanex fight crime together as the Wonder Brigade. Rick Jones
> and Snapper Carr move in with the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers. The Marvel
> heroes and DC heroes agree that Batman can't get along with any of them, and
> send him over to "Hot Stuff" comics, where Stumbo accidentally steps on all
> of Gotham City, now renamed No Giant's Land.
>
> Finally, Superman tricks Loki into saying "ikoL", and everything goes back
> to how it was.
>
> Jay Rudin

You forgot the part about Wendy going insane.

<barnett.RemoveThis@shentel.net> wrote in message
news:1118267649.669845.12890@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> Okay imgine AOL-Time Warner or whatever they are right now decides to
> get out of the comics business and sells DC. Marvel picks up their
> competition. They realize that neither the MU or DCU are big enough
> for all those heroes and villains, so they keep running two distinct
> universes. But they decide some characters might fit better in the
> other universe. So in Crisis on Two Earths a major villain wipes out
> reality, but things are put back together with some heroes originating
> in the opposite reality.
>
> Who makes the switch?

Well, first we'd get the long-awaited Power Pack / Sugar & Spike crossover.
Then Jimmy Olsen gets a job as a photographer with the Hanover Modelling
Agency, and we get a long, deeply psychological story about the Jimmy /
Clicker feud over Millie. Professor X moves to the DCU, sees the Doom
Patrol, shakes his head in disbelief, and returns home. Lumpkin Lad tries
to join the Legion of Super-Heroes, but is rejected because his ear-wiggling
might distract the team in battle. The Maniaks make a comeback with Dazzler
as lead singer. The Newsboy Legion decide that Officer Jim Harper is really
Captain America. The Clone Saga is retold as "The Story of Spiderman-Red
and Spiderman-Blue." The Rawhide Kid moves to DC and teams up with Cinnamon
Carter, while Bat Lash moves to Marvel and meets the Two-Gun Kid. Kid Colt,
Outlaw gets disgusted, leaves both worlds, and is soon found in Roy Rogers
comics, where Roy and Trigger finally prove his innocence. WayneTech and
Stark Industries get into a big proxy fight over the recently merged Roxxon
/ LexCorp company, which gets more and more bitter until both are
financially exhausted, at which point all three companies are taken over by
a consortium of Mr. Lodge, Richie Rich and Scrooge McDuck. Captain Sprocket
and Captain Klutz join with Captain America, Captain Atom, and Captain
Carrot. Monica Lambeau starts saying "Shazam!" to use her light powers (and
"Xam!" to turn them off). Li'l Lotta joins the Avengers while Baby Huey
becomes a JLA member. The Quintessence becomes the Octessence when Shazam,
Zeus, Phantom Stranger, Highfather and Ganthet are joined by the High
Evolutionary, Odin and Casper . Meanwhile, Nightmare joins the Legion of
Super Pets, and Spooky the Tuff Li'l Ghost starts hanging with Wolverine and
Punisher. Nick Fury joins Checkmate, Amanda Waller joins THUNDER, and SHIELD
hires Dynamo and Noman. Billy Batson goes down the abandoned subway past
the statues of the seven deadly sins, and doesn't know what to do when Mr.
Natural shows up. Princess Diana, Simon Williams, Donna Troy, Jan, Zayna,
and Philbert Desanex fight crime together as the Wonder Brigade. Rick Jones
and Snapper Carr move in with the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers. The Marvel
heroes and DC heroes agree that Batman can't get along with any of them, and
send him over to "Hot Stuff" comics, where Stumbo accidentally steps on all
of Gotham City, now renamed No Giant's Land.

Finally, Superman tricks Loki into saying "ikoL", and everything goes back
to how it was.

Jay Rudin