Who's that lady in my house

from another group, funny at first, sad if you can relate.

WHO'S THAT LADY IN MY HOUSE?

A very weird thing has happened. A strange lady has moved into my house.
I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. All I
know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next, she was.
She is a clever old lady, and manages to keep out of sight for the most
part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her.
And whenever I look in the mirror to check my
appearance, there she is, hogging the whole thing, completely
obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude.
I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back. If she insists
on hanging around the least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent,
but no. Every once in a while I find a dollar
bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion,
but it is not nearly enough.
I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money
from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100 and a few days later, it's all
gone.
I certainly don't spend money that fast,
so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me.
You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle
cream. Lord knows she needs it. And money isn't the only thing she is
stealing.
Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate,
especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies and candy. I
can't seem to keep that stuff in the
house any more. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she better watch
it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes
this,
and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me
think I am
putting on weight, too.
For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games,
like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so
they
don't fit. And she messes with my files and
papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying as I am
extremely neat and
organized. She also fiddles with my VCR so it does not record
what I have carefully and correctly programmed.
She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail,
newspapers and magazines before I do, and blurs the print so I can't
read it. And she has done something really
|sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio and telephone. Now,
all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She has done other things, like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum
cleaner heavier, and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made
my bed higher
so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.
Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away,
applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the
jars. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?
She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes.
When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and
monopolizes it. She
looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from
seeing how great they
look on me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong.
She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license,
and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me! No one is
going to believe that
the picture of that old lady is me.


--
Ron

A boy's will is the wind's will,
and the thoughts of youth are
long, long thoughts.
-Longfellow