progeny coming into human flesh

a *package* of roast beef? do you have to go to Nebraska to
buy one?
>> by John Kass

> > The American Way of Life as We Know It.
> >
> > Her name is Gloria Bradley. And she's a pleasant, gracious woman. But
> as a
> > former butcher loyal to his trade, and in keeping with the Culture War
> rules of
> > engagement, it is my duty to denounce her as:
> >
> > Mrs. Demonic Beef.
> >
> > She won a $40,000 national prize for coming up with a beef recipe with
> the
> > frightening name "Fiesta Roast Beef with Tropical Fruit Relish."
> >
> > And she cooked it in a microwave oven, which makes it even worse. If
> that's not
> > worth a Culture War fight, I don't know what is.
> >
> > Putting a beef roast in a microwave is anathema, because microwaves
> ruin beef,
> > even on defrost. Adding canned fruit cocktail to a noble roast should
> be
> > punished by the Inquisition.
> >
> > But the national media doesn't care about how Mrs. Demonic Beef is
> working to
> > erase all our progress.
> >
> > Instead, they're still screeching it out in New York over whether
> taxpayers
> > should subsidize the display of a nauseating painting of the Virgin
> Mary that
> > is smeared with elephant dung and photos of female genitalia snipped
> from porno
> > magazines.
> >
> > Let's end this waste of time right now in a few words. Sure it's
> blasphemous.
> > But it's also a Republican political setup, and Hillary Clinton bit
> down on the
> > hook like a brainless largemouth bass.
> >
> > To ratify her liberal credentials, she stupidly defended the art show
> at the
> > Brooklyn Museum of Art. This means that her likely opponent for the
> New York
> > Senate seat, New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, can tell his voters that he
> is a
> > good Catholic and that she is not, which everybody knew already, since
> she's a
> > Methodist.
> >
> > (Let's not forget that she sternly dragged her husband to church every
> Sunday
> > during the Lewinsky scandal, to replenish his soul.)
> >
> > Still, it's the end of Hillary, unless she can trick Rudy into using
> tax
> > dollars to sponsor an art show depicting Moses and King David in
> compromising
> > poses. But somehow, I don't think the New York art world would like
> that.
> >
> > Like I said, this New York battle over bad art has allowed Gloria
> Bradley,
> > a.k.a. Mrs. Demonic Beef, to gain power over us and our ways.
> >
> > "I think you're overreacting," Mrs. Demonic Beef told me when we met
> in the
> > waiting room at the WGN-TV studios.
> >
> > "I am not destroying American culture. I've raised my children, and I
> love to
> > cook. So I made a beef roast in a microwave. Don't get upset with me."
> >
> > Actually, I politely called her Mrs. Beef to her face, and then Mrs.
> Evil Beef,
> > with my Eddie Haskell smile. But Mrs. Demonic Beef sounds better.
> >
> > "Have you even tried my award-winning recipe, `Fiesta Roast Beef with
> Tropical
> > Fruit Relish'? Why are you so judgmental? It's tasty," she said. "And
> using a
> > microwave oven makes it easy to prepare after a long day at work, only
> 30
> > minutes."
> >
> > Her husband of 45 years stayed quiet on the couch in the green room.
> >
> > "It's not bad," said the poor guy. "It is tasty."
> >
> > It turns out the husband used to cook on the grill outside, even when
> it was
> > cold. But one day he rolled the gas grill up to the sliding glass
> doors on the
> > patio, so he could stay warm.
> >
> > "The sliding glass doors blew up and broke into little pieces," said
> Mrs.
> > Bradley. "Glass shattered all over the house, and it was a mess. So
> that was
> > the end of that."
> >
> > She created her recipe as part of a promotion for the National
> Cattlemen's Beef
> > Association, which wants people to keep eating beef in our modern and
> hectic
> > society. These are the same cattlemen who got knocked silly by Oprah
> Winfrey a
> > few years ago in court, so their brains have been rattled permanently.
> >
> > Mrs. Bradley won the first prize in a big cooking contest, held on
> Sept. 25 in
> > Omaha, Neb., and defeated 2,500 other recipes, which is terrifying.
> She used a
> > pre-cooked roast, then tossed it into the micro with the fruit.
> >
> > "I thought the fruit syrup and the hot pepper sauce would make a great
> > marinade, and the fruit relish is like a fruit salsa," she was quoted
> as saying
> > in the publicity releases.
> >
> > Stacy Israel is a publicist for the Beef Association. She was at
> WGN-TV too.
> >
> > "You're not sacrificing time for quality. It tastes just as good. Even
> though
> > it's quick and fast, you're not sacrificing taste," Israel said.
> >
> > Sure. But it will be a cold day in hell when I ever approve of beef
> and fruit
> > salad in a microwave and try to get other people to eat it. Even if it
> was
> > developed by a nice lady from Naperville with good manners.
> >
> > Over at Lawry's Prime Rib, where they appreciate beef, the chef was
> stunned.
> >
> > "I think I'd use an oven," said chef Jackie Shen, "not a microwave."
> >
> > At least there are some people who stand up for traditional beef
> values in
> > America.
> >
> > Here's the recipe:
> >
> > Fiesta Roast Beef with Tropical Fruit Relish
> >
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > ------
> > 1999 Finalist: Gloria Bradley -- ILLINOIS
> >
> > Total preparation and cooking time: 30 minutes
> >
> > (Best of Beef Winner )
> >
> > 1 package (1-1/2 to 2 pounds) fully-cooked beef tri-tip roast
> >
> > 2 cans (8 to 8-1/4 ounces each) tropical fruit salad in light syrup
> >
> > 1 large orange
> >
> > 2 to 3 teaspoons spicy brown mustard
> >
> > 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
> >
> > Salt and pepper
> >
> > 1/2 cup diced green bell pepper
> >
> > Orange slices (optional)
> >
> > Remove beef tri-tip roast from package; place in microwave-safe dish.
> >
> > Transfer 3 to 4 tablespoons liquid from package to small saucepan; set
> aside.
> > Discard any remaining liquid or reserve for other use. Cover roast and
> > microwave on high 7 to 10 minutes or until heated through. Let stand,
> covered,
> > 5 minutes.
> >
> > Meanwhile drain fruit salad, reserving 3 tablespoons of the syrup. Cut
> up any
> > large pieces of fruit; set aside.
> >
> > Grate 1 teaspoon peel from orange; set aside.
> >
> > Cut orange in half. Squeeze juice from 1/2 orange; peel and chop orange
> > sections from remaining 1/2.
> >
> > Combine reserved syrup, orange juice, mustard, orange peel, pepper
> sauce, salt
> > and pepper, as desired in medium bowl; whisk until blended. Measure
> 1/4 cup of
> > the orange juice mixture; add to beef liquid in saucepan. Set aside.
> >
> > Add reserved fruit, chopped orange and bell pepper to remaining orange
> juice
> > mixture in bowl; mix well. Cover and refrigerate.
> >
> > Carve roast across the grain into thin slices. Bring mixture in
> saucepan to a
> > boil; remove from heat.
> >
> > Arrange beef and fruit relish side-by-side on platter. Spoon hot sauce
> over
> > beef, as desired. Garnish with orange slices, if desired.
> >
> > Makes 6 to 8 servings.
> >
> > Cook's Tip: Beef tri-tip is a boneless roast from the bottom sirloin.
> Tri-tip
> > roasts usually weigh about 1-1/2 to 2 pounds and have a distinctive
> triangular
> > shape.